Crying out

Its been I awhile since I journaled a quiet time. The summer really got away from me. I am out of Chronicles and into the Psalms. Reading the Gospel of Luke and Paul's letters. Reading the Psalms today was reassuring. I was reminded its ok to weep.

Women get a free pass on this one. Everybody expects women to cry. For some reason, girls like to cry. Guys don't understand this. What makes us even more confused is the prevalent mindset which says guys aren't supposed to cry, and weeping is cause for institutional commitment. From what I understand we are allowed a single, solitary tear when we are torn up inside. More than that and we are crybabies. We are supposed to choke down whatever emotional churning are squeezing our heart. That's the common understanding.

But I read Psalm 6:6. Written by David. David as in, "Saul killed his thousands and David his ten thousand." The warrior king with an elite team called his "mighty men" who followed him and were willing to die for him. He wrote, "I am weary with my sighing; every night I make my bed swim, I dissolve my couch with tears."

He was tired of being sad, so sad in fact that he was weeping until his sheets were dripping. Not the sole tear that dries before it gets to the edge of his cheek, but torrents of gut wrenching sobbing. In vs. 7, he says he is literally crying his eyes out. Stop reading if you don't want to hear a confession. I've been there. I've had those nights. They were times I had begun to be ashamed of until this morning. Then I realized the only sin in crying is forgeting that God has, "heard the voice of my weeping."

I'm still not a girl in that I'm not looking forward to the next time my heart breaks and gets tears all over my bed. But the next time, I'll weep on an altar and make a sacrifice of my tears. And I'll remember that He hears me, is not ashamed and sits with me, putting, "my tears in [His] bottle."

Father, strengthen my heart and soften my heart. Help me not to be ashamed of tears. Don't let me just cry but rather help me to cry out to You.